Say it Better

Say it So You Lift Your Spirits

Even non-Scandinavians feel their mood dampen with the longer nights as we head into winter. Luckily there are some easy ways to lift your spirits. Here are three:

1. When describing something that just happened or in your past, notice if it is anchored by a positive or a negative incident. Those who are most resilient, energetic, caring and involved with others tend to link their stories to redemptive themes.

Those who are plagued by down moods often mark their stories with what went wrong and don’t include a redeeming detail.  These narrative themes affect our choices –what we think we have to choose from – and how others see us.

 2. We each have many personalities inside us. Some situations enable us to use our best talents and display our best side. Instead of attempting to be a “virtuoso juggler” as many women do, discover the specific situations where you thrive. When you can identify those moments you are better able, like a defensive driver, to see potential danger farther ahead where situations or individuals spark your discomfort or worse.

Conversely, knowing where you shine (temperament and talent) means you can make smarter choices about how you work and live – and with whom.  While Marcus Buckingham’s book is intended for women I know three male friends who have found it helpful in how they seek the situations that best serve them, professionally, personally and socially.

3.We each have a set point along the continuum of pessimistic to optimistic. After winning the lottery or experiencing the death of a loved one, we eventually return to that set point.

Since those who are on the positive end of that range are more likely to thrive, have friends and advance in their work, you might want to practice specific ways of “acting as if” you are more optimistic that are described in Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness. 

Those who instinctively react more negatively or helplessly to difficult situations tend to experience it as the “three Ps”: Personal (most of all it happened to me) Pervasive (now everything feels worse in my life), and Permanent (it will always be this bad).

One caveat that makes it worth having friends at the other end of the spectrum: Optimists tend to be overly rosy about a situation, leaping into opportunities that, in fact, aren't while pessimists are more realistic – seeing what is. 

Together they are more likely to see potential problems and to find solutions. They are also more likely to squabble because the other person doesn’t act right – like them.

So it helps to laugh when you recognize when it that is starting to happen.

Hint: Perspective is potent -  “Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.”  ~Unknown

 

 

Become Quotable by Comparison

 “It's like saying we're going to make some improvements in the Titanic after it's hit the iceberg," said mortgage finance expert Guy Cecala today in characterizing the futility of government attempts to fix the current home mortgage finance system rather than, as Paul Volcker suggested, “reconstruct” it.  

What dramatic, apt comparison can you offer to make your characterization:

1.    Stand out from others?

2.    Be the most frequently repeated?

3.    Establish the criteria by which others decide on that topic?

 Tips to creating a credible, quotable comparison

A. Compare your point of view to something or someone familiar. 

Examples:

A Cuban, after apologizing because he could not offer his guests anything to eat, described the results of Castro’s Revolution: “ The three successes were education, healthcare and sports. Three failures were breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

“I call architecture frozen music.” ~ Johann Wolfgag von Goethe

B. Evoke a vivid, mental picture.

 Example: 

“Ten times as much funding is devoted to research on the prevention of male baldness as malaria, a disease that kills more than 1 million people each year.” ~ Bill Gates on the need for creative capitalism to serve more people.

C. Say it briefly so it can be easily remembered and repeated as you said it.

Example:

“We can bail out the economy – we cannot bail out the environment.” ~ John Doerr, partner, Kleiner, Perkins Caufield & Byers

D.  Make it aspirational – compared to something they’d want to gain – or avoid. 

Examples:

 ”Jenny Kruger finds out that even the finest four-star restaurant is no match for one with 4 million stars." ~ REI advertisement

What are some of your favorite characterizations?

I can’t help but end with two inadvertently humorous characterizations of situations. While others probably repeated what they said, it is probably to their chagrin.

1. “Those who are not imprisoned are often arrested for possession of small quantities of drugs and later released — in some cases with a permanent stain on their records that can make it difficult to get a job or start a young person on a path to future arrests,” ~ An unnamed prison reform advocate.

2. "The top half of the students are well-educated, the bottom half receive extra help, but the middle half we are leaving out." ~ Marcia Neal, candidate for the state Board of Education and a retired schoolteacher.

Storyteller Lovers Alert

The Moth, a wildly popular grassroots phenom is now a radio show – celebrated in N.Y. Tues night at an event with Garrison Keillor, honoring Anna Deveare Smith and ending with one minute stories from ten winners of recent Moth Grandslams contests produced by This I Believe producer, Jay Allison.

You want to discover how to tell a story, sell or further your cause?

Nothing beats telling the story others are eager to retell.  Combined with listening to This American Life, and The Prairie Home Companion, reading Jesse Kornbluth's reviews and watching Smith become many characters telling the story, this can be your free, pleasurable way to discover your voice and practice telling your story.