Say it Better

Get Them Involved and Telling Others

That saying “familiarity breeds contempt” may be true. We tend to take loved ones for granted, no matter how well-intended. Yet it is equally true that familiarity breeds acceptance.  Thus it is easier to stick a new idea in someone’s mind if you can attach it to something familiar – an existing memory. So....

Become more quotable by employing this Familiarity Effect

Here are two ways:

1. Piggyback your characterization on top of a familiar concept or saying.

Reid Hoffman, founder of LinkedIn and an investor in other successful online networks gave this advice: “Social networks do best when they tap into one of the seven deadly sins. Facebook is ego. Zynga is sloth. LinkedIn is greed.”

2. What familiar and respected product embodies the valuable trait for which you want your product to be remembered?

Plum wants to be the Netflix of baby clothes. Instead of buying clothes for your child, rent them then return the clothes when they are outgrown, and get a new set.

Here's a third hint. Let others be the stars in your story.

People are more likely buy your idea or product if they are placed in a situation where they can be the experts, exploring the topic their way.  Better yet, enable them to gain bragging rights, proving themselves right – in front of others - in their choice to buy from you or to support you.

Imagine, for example, the astonishment of the staff  -- and the sommelier -- at Bone’s, an Atlantic steak house when they started handing dining guests iPads at the table, loaded with a copy of the wine list. 

Purchases of wine, shot up 11 percent. Mused Mr. Reno, the sommelier, “With the information on the device, they seem more apt to experiment by buying a different varietal or going outside their price range.

It stuns me, but they seem to trust the device more than they trust me, and these are people I’ve waited on for 10 years.”

Or, perhaps diners feel more comfortable and confident, looking at various wines themselves and discussing them at the table. The key here is that they get to be the expert. 

Hint: Let others take charge of your message, tweak it for their needs and thus sell themselves on it. 

Entertainment mogul, Peter Guber, is a passionate believer in the power of a purposeful narrative. That means sharing a story that is meaningful to others, leaving ways for them to jump in and become an important part of that story. 

In Tell to Win, he gives many examples of how people love to tell others about a story in which they have a great role. Surrender your story to their re-working of it, rather than correcting them, and they will re-tell it with passion and conviction.

Organizations as diverse as LEGO and the S.F. Giants, and individuals as diverse as Nicholas Kristof and Tony Hsieh have attracted passionate supporters, in part, by letting others take over their story to re-tell it in their own way.

Surrendering your vivid story in which we can play a meaningful role can probably spread it farther, faster and in more directions than you can on your own.  What story are you sharing that will pull me in? I am eager to hear it - and your insights about now to nudge us to participate with you.

 

Turn Your Quirky Interest Into a Blog-to-Book?

 Kangeroos. My smart, generous and mostly conventional Aussie college roommate began collecting small statues of them years ago.  These elegant, beautiful objects began lining her bookshelves.  Unfortunately for her, snarky friends started giving Mandy kangaroos that were, well, in odd positions… together. Then there were the politicians-as-kangeroos and the picnicking kangaroos set. She gamely displayed them on her shelf – not knowing there was a hidden opportunity in “our” hobby. 

Now I know how she might make money from her now extensive and extremely odd collection – just like you and I might reap the benefits from a weird hobby where others (even strangers) are invited to contribute. 

It helps if your humor comes across in writing as at least four lucky collectors have discovered.

 What quirky-to-the-point-of-funny objects capture your attention? Ever offer your friends color commentary on them? If you haven’t already, consider collecting photos of them and adding your snarky insights – on a blog.

Who knows?  Almost overnight you may attract so many fans that a publisher approaches you with a book deal. Odd pays off.

 Success stories are great motivators to stir your imagination. Here’s three funny blog-to-book projects that successfully capitalize on the "wacky objects with humorous commentary" formula: Jen Yates’ The Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes Go Hilariously Wrong, Mike Bender and Doug Chernack’s Awkward Family Photos and now April Winchell’s Regretsy: Where DIY Meets WTF.    

What blogs have you discovered that you think might be bound for success as books – or what topics do you think could go blog to book?

Label Yourself Before Someone Else Does

 Here’s a fresh reminder of the sticky power of making a vividly specific comparison in describing someone.  (Do it for yourself before someone else does to you.)

John F. Harris describes how Jay Leno is the “safe choice” to bring back as MC at this year's glammed-up White House Correspondents' Association dinner which the president attends.  The MC is expected to respectfully roast the president who is in attendance. That role sunk to an all-time low humor when Don Imus presided and broke wind. 

Harris used this comparison to stick a label on Leno: “Popular, profitable, predictable: Leno is the McDonald's of humor.”

 This Leno choice stands in sharp contrast to Stephen Colbert. He smilingly-presented, in character, smart, sharp commentary as President George Bush sat smiling less than twenty feet from him. Video of that roast went viral.
 

Want to be boring?

 It’s easy.  In fact you just have to do what you usually do when you put on your thinking cap to craft a description that’s important for you – like what you do in your work or why we should support your cause.  That’s when one turn’s to generalities.

Here’s how to make this common mistake. First strive first for accuracy - and then offer an example. 

Forest Stewardship Council of Canada, for example, explains that "FSC is an international certification and labeling system that guarantees that the forest products you purchase come from responsibly managed forests and verified recycled sources.”  

 Instead, writing pro Daphne Gray-Grant, suggests starting with this: “Ever gone to the lumberyard and purchased a 2x4 for your deck, wondering if it was ethically produced? 

Or, perhaps you've bought a stack of paper for your printer or a new desk for your office or a box for moving and worried about exactly the same thing. This is where the FSC can help...” Then add that accurate description.

Now it is always easier to edit someone’s improved description so I would hone the message further into everyday language and fewer words, “Ever been at a lumberyard, about to buy planks for your deck, and wondered, “Is this wood taken in a way that damaged a forest?” Or, when you’re buying printer paper, would you like to be able to choose the brand that was better for the environment?

As an avid evangelist for saying it better I turn to friends for help in honing my message.  I am too close to my subject - and know too much about it (the Curse of Knowledge) – to pick the starting point that will pull other in.

Even better, I try to listen to what people say about what I do to get insights about what resonates. Inevitably my self-descriptions are accurate yet blandly general. The vivid and thus compelling specifics come tumbling out when I ask myself (as I ask my clients) “Give me an example.”

Conclusion: You can be accurate in describing what you do or compellingly accurate so they actually get interested - and may even remember, ask questions, buy and tell others. 

See also:

• Become Quotable by Comparison

• Create a Tag Line to be Top of Mind in Your “Market”

• Six Off-Beat Ways to Get Along Better

• How to Help Your Critic’s Argument Sway Others

Look at Me (Bet You’ll Pay Attention)

 Do people stop listening before you stop speaking? 

Sometimes an ad can be used as a primer on how to attract and keep attention  - and get people talking about what you said. 

Watch Isaiah then consider these tips:

1.  Say your first sentence in three words or less.

2.  Make the first word a verb.

3.  Suggest a specific action to take.

4.  Evoke one or more senses.

5.  Use word pictures and gestures and movement to reinforce your words.

6.  Maintain a tempo in the cadence of your speaking

7.  Repeat a phrase that supports:

     •  The way you want them to feel, and 

     •  The main action you want them to take.

8.  End by looping back to the beginning, with your action phrase. (By that time they should be saying it out loud with you or at least saying it to themselves.)

Notice that in this ad the sexual cues and special effects don’t keep viewers involved as much as the “we’re having fun here” compelling presence of Isaiah Mustafa, the man; his face, stance, voice, and, most of all, his use of words – and his rhythmic sequence of sentences. This ad has attracted over five million online views. 

Yet if the advertiser’s market is to influence, not just men but also women (influencing their men) then Armpit Mountain misses its mark. 

Finding the Words to Forge Success in This Connected World

 Sharing, via Twitter, his 73-year-old father’s often profane comments in their daily conversations after he moved into his parents’ basement doesn’t seem like a smart career move, yet it is for Justin Halpern, proving, again how the world has changed in this ever more Connected World.  He didn’t need Hollywood connections or piles of money.   

He “just” needed a catchy concept, a capacity to write what some people loved to read. Humor helps. And there’s a ready audience for down home wisdom mixed with profanity.

"A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."

Less than seven months since he started sharing his Dad’s blunt comments Halpern has 1.16 million Twitter followers and 99,777 Facebook followers.

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world s#%&s on            everybody. Pretending it ain't s#%$ makes you an idiot, not an optimist."  

 Yes, a non-actor managed to attract a legion of fans, and, perhaps, so can you or I with a sufficiently captivating premise, delivery format and messages. That’s the dream anyway. And it came true for Halpern.   

Post Secret and Six Word Memoirs and Daily Candy are other examples of this approach.   

 Back to Halpern’s quantum career leap forward.  Last month, William Shatner signed on to play his father in a CBS TV show produced by the two guys that created Will & Grace. To top off his dream, 29-year-old Halpern gets to co-write the TV show.  In the warped ways of today’s media culture the actor who’ll play Halpern is moving over from a TV show about cougar women. Everyone involved in the project readily admits that the memorable title has to be changed. 

Become Quotable by Comparison

 “It's like saying we're going to make some improvements in the Titanic after it's hit the iceberg," said mortgage finance expert Guy Cecala today in characterizing the futility of government attempts to fix the current home mortgage finance system rather than, as Paul Volcker suggested, “reconstruct” it.  

What dramatic, apt comparison can you offer to make your characterization:

1.    Stand out from others?

2.    Be the most frequently repeated?

3.    Establish the criteria by which others decide on that topic?

 Tips to creating a credible, quotable comparison

A. Compare your point of view to something or someone familiar. 

Examples:

A Cuban, after apologizing because he could not offer his guests anything to eat, described the results of Castro’s Revolution: “ The three successes were education, healthcare and sports. Three failures were breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

“I call architecture frozen music.” ~ Johann Wolfgag von Goethe

B. Evoke a vivid, mental picture.

 Example: 

“Ten times as much funding is devoted to research on the prevention of male baldness as malaria, a disease that kills more than 1 million people each year.” ~ Bill Gates on the need for creative capitalism to serve more people.

C. Say it briefly so it can be easily remembered and repeated as you said it.

Example:

“We can bail out the economy – we cannot bail out the environment.” ~ John Doerr, partner, Kleiner, Perkins Caufield & Byers

D.  Make it aspirational – compared to something they’d want to gain – or avoid. 

Examples:

 ”Jenny Kruger finds out that even the finest four-star restaurant is no match for one with 4 million stars." ~ REI advertisement

What are some of your favorite characterizations?

I can’t help but end with two inadvertently humorous characterizations of situations. While others probably repeated what they said, it is probably to their chagrin.

1. “Those who are not imprisoned are often arrested for possession of small quantities of drugs and later released — in some cases with a permanent stain on their records that can make it difficult to get a job or start a young person on a path to future arrests,” ~ An unnamed prison reform advocate.

2. "The top half of the students are well-educated, the bottom half receive extra help, but the middle half we are leaving out." ~ Marcia Neal, candidate for the state Board of Education and a retired schoolteacher.

Create a Tag Line to be Top of Mind in Your “Market”

"Because the earth needs a good lawyer" is one of my favorite tag lines. It is specific, emotional and short. 

What shorthand description do others use when describing your cause, business or other group?  If it’s not the one you cite then maybe you want to create a more compelling one.  Why not craft an apt, memorable tag line or slogan that describes your organization’s core value to us?

An extra benefit is that a clear, specific and vivid slogan provides a focal point for doing “first things first” and for making other choices when one seems overwhelmed with options. Ask “What choice now most reflects our tagline?”

Here are three tips I gleaned from last year’s winners of Nancy E. Schwartz’s Getting Attention contest for non-profits’ best tag lines:

Tag line tip #1:

Craft a (clean) double entendre.

• A clearinghouse for finding performance and rehearsal space called NYC Theatre Spaces: “Where Actors Find Their Space”

Tag line tip #2:

Evoke an emotion-tugging physical image.

 • The American Lung Association: “One Breath at a Time”

Tag line tip #3:

Piggyback on a concern with a pithy slogan as a solution.

• Oregon Center for Public Policy provides balanced coverage of state issues, many of which are hotly contested where opinions and facts are blurred in the public debate: “Because facts matter”

 As John Haydon adeptly notes, “Rather than having a tagline about the mission of the non-profit, they all speak about the client's experience and what's important to them - on an emotional level.”

Share your tag line for this year’s contest and keep a look out for fresh ideas when Nancy announces the results later this year.

If You Want Your Life to Matter…

70 years ago tomorrow contralto Marian Anderson stood before 75,000 people on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. She sang outdoors, invited by Eleanor Roosevelt after The Daughters of the American Revolution refused to let her appear at Constitution Hall. Roosevelt resigned from the DAR.

“In this great auditorium under the sky, all of us are free,”  said Harold Ickes, the Secretary of the Interior, when introducing Anderson notes Alex Ross in The New Yorker.

“Genius, like justice, is blind. . . . Genius draws no color line,” said Ickes.

Years later, Martin Luther King, reinforced his call for change when he stood in the same place delivering his “I Have a Dream” speech, as did our president this year when he was sworn into office.

Tomorrow, mezzo-soprano Denyce Graves leads a concert at the Lincoln Memorial in tribute to Anderson on the seventieth anniversary of that Easter Sunday concert.

From Ross’s thoughtful article, I pulled these vignettes. They remind myself of the power of returning words and acts of anger or hate, not with bitterness but with grace:

• When the Nassau Inn, in Princeton, New Jersey, refused to give Anderson a room, she spent the night at the home of Albert Einstein.

• Although she refused to sing in halls that employed “horizontal segregation”—that is, with whites in the orchestra and blacks in the galleries—for many years she did accept vertical segregation, with whites on one side of the aisle and blacks on the other.

Anderson usually took her meals in her hotel room, in order not to cause complications in restaurants. “I always bear in mind that my mission is to leave behind me the kind of impression that will make it easier for those who follow,” she explained in her memoir.

• In Birmingham, Alabama, during the Second World War, she had to stand outside a train-station waiting room while her accompanist, the German pianist Franz Rupp, went to fetch a sandwich for her. Sitting inside was a group of German prisoners of war.

How to Change Hearts and Minds: Lessons Learned from Marion’s Life Story

When you disagree with someone’s actions or words or hope to persuade others to believe and act differently:

1. Don’t just speak up but also take significant public action that reinforces your stand.  Roosevelt resigned from the DAR.  

2. If you or someone else is unfairly denied an opportunity, find a way to make a greater opportunity available. When Roosevelt invited Anderson to sing outdoors she created a very public, world stage upon which Anderson could demonstrate her talents.

3. Turn others’ personal insults or injustices into public lessons from which a larger group can learn.

4. You lift us up to better behavior when you don’t just speak against a wrong but also speak for a greater right. Describe a specific way we can act, not just what we did wrong. As Adlai Stephenson once said, “When you throw mud you get dirty.”

5. To make it easier for people to see the situation your way or to agree, invoke the Power of Previous Precedent. Refer to similar earlier situations or decisions so that you are not asking people to do something new or different. You make your suggested action the obvious choice.

How you want to be viewed or what you are asking others to do is “merely” a continuation of what they or others have already done before or what has happened in the past.  When King and then Obama chose the Lincoln Memorial, they chose that place - not just a U.S. stage but a world stage, open to all people, calling for a new era, just as Anderson did 70 years ago tomorrow.

6. Most of all, whether you are poor or rich, famous or unknown, you have the priceless power of describing a situation so vividly that others instinctively remember and repeat your description. With just words your belief can catch fire and spread, becoming the most familiar view of that situation and eventually sometimes, the assumed truth. Ickes labeling of Anderson’s talents are so vivid they continue to be cited years later.

Whoever most vividly describes a situation most influences how others see it, then feel, think and talk about it and act on it.

Quotes for Enjoying a Richer, More Meaningful Life

Actor, Tommy Lee Jones paraphrased someone whose name he could not recall, in an National Public Radio interview, saying he, “sometimes felt like a Buddhist soul in a Calvinist World,” then when asked for his definition of faith, said, “Faith is what you know to be true, whether you believe it or not.”

"Ideas are a capital that bears interest only in the hands of talent."

~ Antoine de Rivarol

“There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose time has come.”

~ Victor Hugo

"Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food."

~ William Hazlitt

“A powerful idea communicates some of its power to the man who contradicts it."

~  Marcel Proust

“My problem is I say what I'm thinking before I think what I'm saying.”

~ Dr. Laurence J. Peter

 

“Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”

~ William Butler Yeats

 

“Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.”

~ Chinese Proverb

 

“When asked how she coped with all the burdens she had to carry, Lena Horne, said, "It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it."

 

“Write injuries in sand, kindnesses in marble.”

~ French proverb

 

“Pain is a perfect compass, if I can take the time to watch where its needle aims.”

~ Jim Burklo

 

“I wanted a perfect ending... Now, I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. “

~ Gilda Radner 

 

"Grief shared is half grief. Joy shared is double joy."

~ Honduran Proverb

 

“Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us all without words?” 

~ Marcel Marceau

 

“The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, I was wrong.”

~ Sydney J. Harris

 

“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up but a comedy in long shot.”

~ Charlie Chaplin

 

“In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.” 

~ Charlie Brown

 

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, that myth is more potent than history, that dreams are more powerful than facts, that hope triumphs experience, that laughter is the only cure for grief.”

~  Robert Fulghum

 

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous”

~    Ingrid

 

“Love: When the heart loses its mind.”

~ anonymous