Say it Better

Way to Inspire Your Clients to Refer Others to You

Want short-cuts for turning happy clients into avid fans who refer colleagues to you? Read Robert Middleton's blog, then read the InfoGuru Marketing Manual. In practical, pithy language, he puts into practice some of the persuasion methods described in Robert Cialdini's classic book, Influence, and reinforced in his new book, with Noah J. Goldstein and Steve J. Martin, Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive.

People Like People Who Are Like Them
For example, today he describes a non-hardsell way to attract warmed-up prospects through how you relate to your current clients. It's The Law of Relatedness, an extension of Social Proof. If your clients tell colleagues about why they like your service, they are especially credible if the situation they describe (problem or opportunity) is one that their colleagues also face. In short, they can relate to the situation and are drawn to the solution you provided. Writes Middleton, "The more connection we feel to someone, to their story, their situation, to their problem, the more relatedness, the more effective the persuasion." On his blog read an elaboration of his five tips to growing your business by evoking Law of Relatedness:

1. Make sure your testimonials are directly related to the concerns of your prospects.

2. When you write articles, either for publication in your eZine or newsletter, include case studies that prove your point.

3. Have your clients interviewed and recorded. Use that recording as an "audio testimonial" to post on your web site or to forward to a potential client.

4. If you do an introductory event or teleclass, invite successful clients or customers to be at the event or on the call with you.

5. When you post testimonials or case studies on your web site, include pictures of your clients.

He asked readers for examples of how they put this law into practice and I responded with a method I use when speaking on SmartPartnering at conferences. See my idea in his comments section at the end of his post. Joe Hage at biznik has some great ideas on how to use Cialdini's methods to make your seminar or other event a success. Also see Helping People Decide to Change.

What Happens When People Can See You Speak

... and More Than 3.8 Million Do?

As of today, that's how many YouTube viewers have watched Barack Obama's much-discussed speech on race relations. Four million saw him give the speech live.

Images, real€ or modified, can change the power equation in a presidential campaign. They can also alter how people perceive you. Elections, career advancement, perceived choices, personal and product reputations - all can be altered faster and more widely than any time in our past.

Motion Pictures Move Us More Than "Just" Words, Research Shows.

Free, widely available and easy access to video scenes sets emotionally-charged opinions in motion more than "€œjust"€ the words we Twitter, text message, email or write for the Internet. Whether it is video clips of Rev. Jeremiah Wright's radical sermons or "misstatements" by Senator Clinton about ducking sniper shots in Bosnia, long ago or recent pasts can come back to haunt one, and not just individuals who know they are in the public eye. Hint: make sure the people you involve in acts of support do, in fact, support you.

What to Do When You A€™re Behind the Eight Ball.

There'€™s a tip in negotiations that, if you feel you are not getting your fair share of the pie, make a bigger pie. That can be done by involving more people in the negotiation and gaining their support before your opponents reach them - or even know that they are now involved. Obama has benefited from this several times in this presidential campaign as many apolitical and/or "€œundecideds" €have gone online and watched the speeches, interviews, informational interactions with crowds and the spoofs and fan and opponent-created mash-ups of real video to distort a situation or personality. Hint: inspiration, celebrities, parody, quirkiness and other humor attract crowds.

We have unavoidable transparency in more of our companies, countries and personal conduct. That'€™s not news to you, I a€™m sure. Yet I continue to be in awe of the gathering speed with which technology is enabling someone, even with no money or constituency, (but with a captivating scene or message) can race to the top of our collective minds.

Get Reputation Insurance for Yourself.

Be proactive. You can't stop people from talking about you, but you can increase the chances of discovering what they say sooner. Don't just look once but check regularly for what people are saying about you, your organization and the people who most matter to you. Check several places, using at least google and google images and clusty. Set up google alerts to automatically get news when the people and organization that affect your life are mentioned on line. Now this seems obvious to many of you, I a€™m sure, yet I spoke at two conferences this year where attendees were well-educated and the median income was at least $150,000 - yet only a small minority of people were aware of these basics in reputation protection. Where else do you check?

“A toddler is primitive, an emotion-driven

… instinctive creature that has yet to develop the thinking skills that define modern humans,” warns Dr. Harvey Karp. That’s why parents shouldn’t attempt to reason with them in the face of inevitable tantrums and worse. Toddlers haven’t developed an ability to think so parents are dealing with “a caveman in a crib concludes this pediatrics professor and author of the wildly popular book, The Happiest Baby on the Block.

What should you do? In Tara Parker-Pope’s article about Karp’s new book,The Happiest Toddler on the Block, we learn that calming a toddler, “involves bringing yourself, both mentally and physically, down to a child’s level when he or she is upset. The goal is not to give in to a child’s demands, but to communicate in a child’s own language of “toddler-ese.’”

I shared this news with a parent of a toddler, an entrepreneur I was coaching through his problems with a strong-willed business partner. He responded to Karp’s approach by saying, “Sounds like smart advice for handling my partner tomorrow.”

Maybe he can just play soothing sounds while they meet.(This is my version of dry humor for today.)

How We Vote Gives Clues to How We Make Choices …

… in other vital situations I believe. How do we choose our friends, committee and jury chairs, organizational affiliations and “right” position on moral or financial decisions?

Compare, for example, the vast different in how Caroline Kennedy and The New York Times defined the vital “issues” (or criteria) for choosing who to endorse for president.

What matters most? Policy stances (NYT) or character /quality of leadership (Kennedy)?

Linguist, George Lakeoff writes in The Huffington Post that “The difference is striking. To the editors of the New York Times, the quality of leadership seems not to be an ‘issue.’ The ability to unite the country is not an "issue."

What Obama calls the empathy deficit -- attunement to the experience and needs of real people -- is not an ‘issue.’ Honesty is not an ‘issue.’ Trust is not an ‘issue.’ Moral judgment is not an ‘issue."

Values are not ‘issues.’ Adherence to democratic ideals -- rather than political positioning, triangulation, and incrementalism -- are not ‘issues.’ Inspiration, a call to a higher purpose, and a transcendence of interest-based politics.”

Lakeoff notes that Ronald Reagan's chief strategist, Richard Wirthlin, realized that, “most voters do not vote primarily on the basis of policies, but rather on
1. Values
2. Connection,
3. Authenticity
4. Trust
5. Identity

… Reagan spoke about his values, and policies for him just exemplified values. He connected viscerally with people. He was perceived as authentic, as really believing what he said.”

In a similar spirit, Caroline Kennedy wrote, "Most of us would prefer to base our voting decision on policy differences. However, the candidates' goals are similar. They have all laid out detailed plans on everything from strengthening our middle class to investing in early childhood education. So qualities of leadership, character and judgment play a larger role than usual.

I want a president who understands that his responsibility is to articulate a vision and encourage others to achieve it; who holds himself, and those around him, to the highest ethical standards; who appeals to the hopes of those who still believe in the American Dream, and those around the world who still believe in the American ideal; and who can lift our spirits, and make us believe again that our country needs every one of us to get involved."

How do you make major choices in your life about who or what you will support?

• For insights into how to frame a situation to influence or to decide, read Lakoff’s Don't Think of an Elephant. Even though it is oriented towards politics the methods work for other situations.

• For more on “how to guard yourself against the faulty reasoning” read the uber-rational, sometimes arrogant-sounding yet often humorous book by Jamie Whyte, Crimes Against Logic.

• My favorite book on how to make better choices is Smart Choices by my mentor, Howard Raiffa and John S. Hammond.

• And, to avoid getting bogged down when there appears to be too many choices read Barry Schwartz’s fascinating and practical Paradox of Choice.

How Rock Star Bono Attracts Support, and You Can Too

“Does stuff have to look like an action movie these days to exist in the front half of our brain? This stuff isn't even on the news. We devote more attention to things we cannot prevent. I believe that kind of thinking offends the intellectual rigor of the people in this room,” said rock singer Bono when describing the depth of need in Africa.

By remote satellite connection, Bono was accepting an award for his activist work from TED, an annual meeting of tech wizards and other kinds of trailblazers.

Although he was not with the group in person, most attendees said his message was the highlight of their lively meeting. See Bono giving this enormously moving, well-structured message.

I was captivated by how he pulled in his audience – and I was watching it on my computer.

• Notice how he grabs their attention by moving from the specific detail –a comparison is one of the most evocative details one can use – (“action movie”) to the general conclusion (“We devote”).

“What turns me on about the digital age is: You have closed the gap between dreaming and doing,” Bono said.

“Imagination has been decoupled from the old constraints. I would like to see idealism decoupled from the old constraints. The geopolitical world has a lot to learn from the digital world.”

• He hit the emotion button. He spoke movingly of his travels in Africa, of famine and AIDS and civil wars killing millions of people, of “a continent in flames.”

Warning:
The more educated you are, the more steeped in your niche of knowledge and fervently interested in it you are, the more likely you are to start in the opposite way from how Bono began. You may begin with generalizations. They are not as memorable or as credible as specifics.

People will stop listening before you stop talking.

• Bono evoked the most successful way to inspire people to care about “his” cause – making it “our” cause, proving them with bragging rights when joining..
He made it theirs too.

First he specifically and authentically praised them.

• He evoked the “presumptive close”used by sales folks (presuming a “yes” by discussing the next step after “buying” his message. He did this by characterizing their support of his cause as the natural next step for them to once again use their highest values and talents.

Here's how.

He said, “You rewrote the rules for the rest of us … You changed the digital world. You can change the physical world.”

Notice the power of starting three sentences the same way: “You.”(He did not start with “I.”)
He made his message about them – making their lives more meaningful, not him and “his” cause.

As a credible advocate for his cause, Bono has stayed specific and on message for several years now, thus ensuring that he is congruent, quotable, and a great recruiter for his cause.

Here Bono specifically asks the audience to:
~ Build a movement of 1 million Americans-turned-activists for Africa.
~ Get 2 billion media impressions for the campaign for Africa.
~ Get all the schools and hospitals in one African nation, Ethiopia, wired by the end of 2006.

• One TED attendee, prominent venture capitalist John Doerr, said he was impressed with Bono's “capacity to harness the imagination, caring, and strengths of this community … to move from success to significance.” Note how the power of “s” alliteration strengthens Doerr's comments.

We do not have to be rock stars to make our message so palpable to others that they, too, are attracted to serving a higher cause with their best talents. For more ideas on how to motivate people to act, read Speak English Like it Tastes Good, Bring Out the Best in Others and Be an Author of Your Life Story.

Your Metaphor Sets the Stage for Others to See the Scene Your Way

“With emergency lights and sirens or silent speed through the dark, a metaphor travels outside of the usual lanes of logic to gain attention, anchor memory, cause hearts to beat again, and douse doubts, said Anne Miller, author of the book Metaphorically Selling.

She adds, “A metaphor (an implicit, vivid comparison) works particularly well to overcome a blind spot in someone's thinking. Using an unexpected, well-chosen idea, a metaphor “can transport someone from the place where he has dug in his heels to a whole new place, where he cannot bring his emotional baggage.”

For instance, wrote marketing coach Marcia Yudkin, “an insurance broker who couldn't get a particular client to sign the contract sensed that the client thought the idea was wise but didn't feel any urgency to act. The broker learned that the client had a passion for growing apples, visited him in his orchard and asked why he was spraying the trees that day.

The client understood now, and signed.”

Here's some more examples to inspire you to create your metaphor that makes your idea, product, cause or organization more memorable:

The Skoll World Forum on Social Entrepreneurship has been called.the Davos of social entrepreneurship.

Musician Jon Hendricks is the father of vocalese, the art of setting lyrics to jazz instrumental standards and then having voices sing the instruments' parts. That's why Time Magazine dubbed him the "James Joyce of Jive."

30 years ago, H. Rap Brown said, "Violence is as American as cherry pie."

"Criticizing a political satirist for being unfair is like criticizing a nose guard for being physical," wrote political cartoonist, Garry Trudeau.

Ready for some "unintentionally silly / mixed metaphors"?

How Self-Deception Aids Consumate Liars: Watching the Traitor Spy

To catch the consummate liar who spoke proudly of his ability to detect lying in others, the most devastating American spy, the mole within the FBI, John Hanssen, the young FBI agent, Eric O’Neil was asked by his bosses to lie repeatedly to entrap Hanssen. On a plane flight back from speaking in Washington D.C. (ironically the setting for this story), I sat engrossed in watching the scenes of mutual mental seduction between these two FBI agents in the movie, Breach.

One way people who are going to lie unconsciously perfect their ability is to deceive themselves about what they are doing, according to renowned evolutionary biologist, Robert L. Trivers.

Deliberate deception takes considerable effort. One must hold both the truth and the untruth in one’s mind, and consciously suppress the truth. To reduce the tension of such a mindset, habitual liars tend to make themselves believe the untruth they are telling.

In short, they deceive themselves into believing what they are going to say, at least for the moment.

Thus, the “best” way to lie is to marshal evidence that supports one's view and ignore evidence that contradicts it.

Like many other aspects of brain functioning, self-deception does not require people to sit down and decide they are going to lie to themselves. (That would actually defeat the point of self-deception.) No, it usually happens subtly, without the person even being aware of it.

Before you begin to feel righteous about those other people who lie, researchers remind us, we all lie sometimes. And self-deception is a universal trait of being human – just like other attempts to influence.

"The costs of deception are being detected and punished," Trivers said. "There is definitely a downside to self-deception, and that is you are putting yourself out of touch with reality, but it cuts down the risk of getting caught." The traitor, Hanssen deceived his colleagues in the FBI for years. I thought that the cost to his psyche may have led to his double life of sexual perversion and religiosity – or vice versa.

Since the disturbing-sounding fMRIs are not yet widely available, you can learn how to detect lying more often by reading Paul Ekman’s Telling Lies.

What's (Winning) Presidential Leadership Exactly?

“Leadership is the ability to get others to do what you want, need or expect them to do, and help them feel good about doing it,” believes straight-talking, veteran media and communications coach, Arch Lustberg.

He adds, “It's the second part that's so elusive.”

According to Lustberg, today’s leaders need these traits:
1. Likeable
2. Trustworthy
3. Competent and experienced
4. Part of the team
5. Able and willing to participate
6. Ready to listen to everyone on the team
7. Adaptable to change
8. Eager to share in the creation, execution and praise.

In past presidential elections, Lustberg asserts that Eisenhower won for embodying the first three. Reagan won on Likeability and Clinton also won on likeability and competence and experience, despite a “trustworthy” weakness. “Dole lost to Clinton because he was so completely outclassed in category one that his strength in two and three simply didn't count.”

And the next election? Lustberg believes that the winner in 2008 will be the one that most voters believe has the first three.

Ten Speeches That Changed Minds

See Steve Jobs, Tom Peters, Dr. Martin Luther King, Malcolm Gladwell and others’ pivotal presentations that changed minds. KnowHR bloggers’ top ten picks may not be your own (where are the great women??) yet there’s much to learn from each.

Then read their Readers’ Choices where you’ll find Majora Carter who blew us away at the TED conference with Greening the Ghetto –what she and her dog discovered – and the campaign she successfully waged as a result.

How would you

get the word out about a fledging new San Francisco Bay Area business that provides a triple way to do good?

That’s what Joan Stewart, The Publicity Hound with over 30,000 avid newsletter subscribers, is asking people on my behalf. If you just want to get two newsletters on what I broadly dub "outreach", I recommend this one and Marcia Yudkin's.

Even though you seem to prefer sending me emails rather than commenting here, this time you might want to share your ideas here and at Joan’s idea-packed blog.

Here's a bit about LaborFair ...

Find Reputable Household Help Faster Whilst Doing Good

Those seeking work for a fair wage and ready-to-hire people can find each other, using the first online, direct person-to-person, job referral community - LaborFair.com.

Find reliable household help quickly, using the first online, direct person-to-person, job referral community - LaborFair.com.

Because LaborFair.com provides worker profiles, photos, references and reviews, ready-to-hire consumers can find the right, reliable person they need faster than on other sites, such as Craig’s List. Further, once they find a likely candidate to hire, consumers can click to contact someone directly by email or mobile phone.

But it gets better.

Good workers can get more jobs and build their reputation through the online reviews they receive from people like you. They can stop papering neighborhoods with promo flyers or going through agencies that take a chunk of their pay.

Thus, with LaborFair, those on the lower rungs of the economic ladder can work their way up to a better way of life.

In collaboration with worker centers, collectives, and worker coops, microfinance institutions and faith-based organizations LaborFair.com is creating a growing network of community organizations to provide people with more training, then listed on the site.

Think of LaborFair as an eBay for household services with fair trade built into the business.

See LaborFair as a triple “do good” business – good alternative for ready-to-hire consumers, good for quality workers and good for keeping a local economy thriving.

Hire a worker and change a life.

Like FreePledge, Juma Ventures, Enterprising Kitchen, zaadz, Longfellow Clubs, Ideal Bite and Hinda Incentives, LaborFair is dedicated to making the world better as it makes money.

These companies are introducing innovative and efficient ways to “do good.” And they’ve captured the interest of two very successful Bay Area entrepreneurs who are avid supporters of such ventures: Jeff Skoll and Pierre Omidyar.