“One of the glories, and one of the drawbacks, of a long relationship is that people start to take each other for granted,” notes Gretchen Ruben.
In summarizing a key theme in marriage expert, John Gottman’s new book, The Relationship Cure, she writes, “The less people turn toward each other, the less satisfying their relationship. That same danger holds true for any long-term friendship.
Contrary to the saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt” I find it leads to obliviousness. I’m blind to the changes or new sides a dear friend might be displaying.
In fact, familiarity breeds the heuristic of assuming one knows what one’s close friend is experiencing “now” and, inevitably taking that person for granted over time. One way to see those most dear to you with fresh eyes – and help them feel heard and understood in the moment - is to listen deeply and contemplate:
Why is this person
talking about this topic
at this moment
with me?
Rather than assuming that you know, ask for clarification. Rejuvenating a relationship is akin to cleaning and polishing some object you treasure – only more vital. The Dance of Connection offers more insights for making your friendships flourish.
