Make some simple changes in how you dress, move, speak or create settings. Discover that you have fewer conflicts and smoother daily interactions. From the research on our gut instinctual reactions, here's some easy-to-adopt suggestions.
1. Sidle. People are more likely to like each other, remember more of what they discuss, and agree when they "sidle," standing or sitting side by side, rather than facing each other. Two women or a man and a woman are more likely to face each other. They literally "face off". Two men instinctively sidle. Siddling brings people "in sync." Walking and talking gets you more connected. The best time to resolve issues is while walking together to the meeting, not when you are in the meeting, sitting across from each other.
2. Look for the underlying issue. When you are arguing for more than ten minutes, you are probably not discussing the real conflict and are thus less likely to get it resolved. in the discussion. Look for the underlying issue. Read Robert Bromson's Coping With Difficult People to recognize difficult behaviors and ways to respond to them.
3. Detect lying earlier. When lying, most people can put an innocent expression on their face when you ask them a question about the topic, yet few (except pathological liars) get the right timing or duration of that expression. Ignore the expression itself when they respond but note whether they appear to put it on too soon or too late and if the duration of the expression seems off. Here your instincts will often guide you to knowing their truthfulness. To learn more about how to detect lying, read Paul Ekman's book, Telling Lies.
4. Come back to your senses. Since smell is the most directly emotional sense, bypassing much of the brain's thinking process, consider how to introduce positively natural and uplifting scents into an environment that matters to you. A naturally scented place or event refreshes people, so they relax. That's why venues as diverse as the Bellagio, Disney/Epcot Home of the Future and the San Francisco Aquarium have created natural "signature scents" to avoid allergic reactions while refreshing those they serve.
Two hospitals in Tokyo scent bed sheets with vanilla. Since a Paris hotel began scenting their towels with rose and citrus, guests have been giving more positive reports on the hotel staff's thoughtfulness and appearance. Vanilla, apple, and chocolate are Americans' most -liked scents.
5. Be vividly specific. A specific example proves a general conclusion, not the reverse. A vivid, specific detail is memorable, while a general statement is less credible and easily forgotten. Ironically, most adult conversation and advertising is general. Children are more likely to be vividly specific and thus more memorable.
When you want to inspire people to hear you and take action, characterize your point with an either/or option, best/worst case scenario, comparison to a product or person your “audience” likes - or make a positive connection to their past action(s).
Involve words that relate to the senses. "Beautiful color" is not as vivid as "blue" which is not as vivid as "cobalt blue."
6. Be "plainly clear." Avoid wearing patterned clothing or other details such as elaborate jewelry, especially on the upper half of the body, It shortens the attention span of the person with whom you are speaking.
