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January 31, 2007

Molly left the world stage still ...

raising hell. Can't Say That Can She?

Ah yes. She did.

Even in her final month, dying of breast cancer, Molly Ivins wrote, "We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders and we need to raise hell.

A surge is not acceptable to the people in this country -- we have voted overwhelmingly against this war in polls (about 80 percent of the public is against escalation, and a recent Military Times poll shows only 38 percent of active military want more troops sent) and at the polls....

“Anyone who wants to talk knowledgably about our Iraq misadventure should pick up Rajiv Chandrasekaran's "Imperial Life in the Emerald City: Inside Iraq's Green Zone." It's like reading a horror novel. You just want to put your face down and moan: How could we have let this happen? How could we have been so stupid?

As The Washington Post's review notes, Chandrasekaran's book "methodically documents the baffling ineptitude that dominated U.S. attempts to influence Iraq's fiendish politics, rebuild the electrical grid, privatize the economy, run the oil industry, recruit expert staff or instill a modicum of normalcy to the lives of Iraqis."

Yet she always maintained that she aimed her barbed Texan jibes at the action, not the person. With her book Bushwacked, she told NPR’s Bob Edwards, “that she doesn't hate the former Texas governor, with whom she attended high school. ‘In fact I've gone out of my way time and again to point out that he's a perfectly affable fellow, and he's not stupid and he's not mean," she says. "And it takes me aback to have people just make that assumption about me... What we're trying to show [in the book] is that whatever Bush's personal qualities are, his policies are having a genuinely deleterious effect on people's lives.’"

Just as she recalled Ann Richard’s aptitude for attracting attention to an outrage by wrapping the real truth in humor, many of us will long relish that talent in you, Molly.

January 28, 2007

“Its amazing what you can get if

you quietly, clearly and authoritatively demand it,” said Merryl Streep as the closing line of her acceptance speech at the 2007 Golden Globe Awards, for her outstanding performance in The Devil Wears Prada.

My other favorite line from that evening was spoken by Warren Beatty, “Thank you, Annette … I’ll always be your most promising newcomer.”

Part of the allure of the Webby Awards (Oscars for Internet work) evening ceremony is the five-word limit for the winners' acceptance speeches.


For your practice in being pithy, before listeners go on a mental vacation - and for fun - see Robert Hruzek of Middle Zone Musings. He started a contest for short stories. He means very short. They must be six word or less.

Remarkably, he's already received 444 stories from 71 different people.

Here's some of them:

"I awoke to find her gone."

Some of my favorites:

"Marry you? you gotta be kidding."

"Wrote perfect story. World promptly ends."

"Book still unfinished. Blogging wins again."

"American idol: guy croons. i vomit."

"Addicted to love, seduced by cotton."

"Pets don't mind if you fart."

Climbed the fence, grass wasn’t greener.

"Collect, process, organize, review, do. Breathe."

"Mistaken identity nearly got me killed"

"Addicted to blogging. Seeking new job."

Sayings to Inspire Women

For another business in which I am involved I collected these sayings.
It was such a pleasure to gather, read and re-read them I thought
you might also enjoy some of them.

~ ~ ~

"Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when it's the only one we have."
~ Emile Augusta Chartier

“To be successful you can't show up to the potluck with just a fork.”
~ Dave Liniger, co-founder and chairman of RE/MAX

“We all want a partner to witness our lives, so that our lives will matter to someone.”
~ in the movie “Shall We Dance?”, Susan Sarandon’s character

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
~ Oprah Winfrey

"A relationship is like a shark. You know, it has to constantly move forward or it dies."
~ Woody Allen, said in “Annie Hall”

“I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.”
~ Carrie Fisher

Legend has it British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and his political rival William Gladstone had a date with the same woman on different nights. When asked her impression of the two men, she said, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England."
~ contributed by Dr. Mardy Grothe

“I wanted a perfect ending... Now, I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.“
~ Gilda Radner

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
~ Anais Nin

“I was on a search -- I wanted to discover woman-ness. I never had a female role model. My mother killed herself when I was 12, and I was very frightened of what it meant to be a woman because I thought it meant being a victim and dying.”
~ Jane Fonda, actor, activist and author.

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
~ Margaret Mead

"Going to Hollywood to talk about menopause was a little like going to Las Vegas to sell savings accounts."
~ Gail Sheehy, discussing, with film makers, the possibility of making of a movie out of her book, The Silent Passage: Menopause

"Never let formal education get in the way of your learning."
~ Mark Twain

“Intensity is so much more becoming in the young.”
~ Joanne Woodward

"Life is always walking up to us and saying, 'Come on in, the living's fine,' and what do we do? Back off and take its picture."
~ Russell Baker

“Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.“
~ Lily Tomlin

“Criticize the act, not the person.
~ Mary Kay Ash

“The more I like me, the less I want to pretend to be other people.”
~ Jamie Lee Curtis

“I just have to keep going back to the core and think that we're all afraid of it and when we're afraid of it, you run to something much easier, something that looks like candy.”
~ Diane Keaton

“I remember asking Rosemary (Clooney, his aunt) why she’s a better singer at 70 than she was at 21. …She said, ‘because I don’t have to prove I can sing anymore.’ That was a good acting lesson: not having to show off now.”
~ George Clooney, actor, screenwriter and director

(On her long marriage to Michael Williams) "We were just happy to be in the same room together."
~ Judy Dench

"There are two kinds of truth--trivial truths and profound truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is false, but the opposite of a profound truth is also true."
~ Niels Bohr

"Fearlessness is not the absence of fear. Rather, it's the mastery of fear. It’s getting to the point where our fears do not stop us from daring to think new thoughts, try new things, take risks, fail, and start again. Fearlessness is all about getting up one more time than we fall down.”
~ Arianna Huffington

"Middle age is when the narrow waist and the broad mind begin to change places."
~ Joey Adams

“Never place a period where God has placed a comma.“
~ Gracie Allen

“Age does not protect you from love but love, to some extent, protects you from age.”
~ Jean Moreau

“A crank is someone with a new idea – until it catches on.”
~ Mark Twain.

“The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.”
~ Helen Hayes (at 73)

“We only keep what we lose.“
~ May Sarton

"An average tool in the best hands will always produce better results than the best tool in average hands.”
~ Don Groves

“Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened.”
~ Cora Harvey Armstrong

“Bloom where you are planted.”
~ Nancy Reader

“Language is magic: it makes things appear and disappear. “
~ Nicole Brossard

"In a relationship, it's hard to sustain the passion; in a passionate affair, it's hard to sustain the relationship."
~ Dr. Mardy Grothe

“Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door. “
~ Emily Dickinson

"To think that great love doesn't involve work is just as mistaken as thinking that great work doesn't involve love."
Dr. Mardy Grothe

“If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others? “
~ Dolores Huerta

“Grace is available for each of us every day - our spiritual daily bread - but we've got to remember to ask for it with a grateful heart and not worry about whether there will be enough for tomorrow. “
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

"In times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists."
~ Al Rogers

“It is only through disruptions and confusion that we grow, jarred out of ourselves by the collision of someone else's private world with our own.”
~ Joyce Carol Oates

"Connections are made slowly, sometimes they grow underground."
~ Marge Piercy, quoted in "Something More" by Sarah Ban Breathnach

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous”
~ Ingrid Bergman

"We used to have actresses trying to become stars; now we have stars trying to become actresses."
~ Laurence Olivier

“You know you've created God in your own image when he hates the same people you do.”
- Annie Lamott

"I do not 'get' ideas; ideas get me."
~ Robertson Davies

"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?"
~ Stephen Levine

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.“
~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

“Absence becomes the greatest Presence. “
~ May Sarton

"There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in love, as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning."
~ Vincent van Gogh

“Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.”
~ Lily Tomlin

“Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat.”
~ Joanne Woodward

“When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long, and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong, just remember, in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow, lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.”
~ Amanda McBroom

”When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.”
~ Elayne Boosler

“Boyfriends need to understand that if women are worshipped, the world will be a better place.”
~ Nicole Kidman

"A man bears the same relationship to a woman as a multiple-choice test does to an essay exam."
~ Dr. Mardy Grothe

“Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. ”
~ Caryn Leschen

“The trouble is that once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And once you’ve seen it, keeping quiet, saying nothing, becomes as political an act as speaking out. There’s no innocence. Either way, you’re accountable. “
~ L Arundhati Roy

“A woman is like a tea bag… you don’t know how strong she is until she’s in hot water.”
~ bumper sticker

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."
~ James Baldwin

“Love often leads to healing, while fear and isolation breed illness. And our biggest fear is abandonment. “
~ Candace Pert

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." Bill Cosby

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
- anonymous Chinese philosopher

“Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed."
~ Lily Tomlin

"You never really know a man until you have divorced him."
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

"You can't have it both ways. You can't have both free will and a benevolent higher power who protects you from yourself.
~ Arthur C. Clarke

"Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life."
~ Eric Hoffer

"Follow your dreams,'' a message spray-painted on a concrete abutment near the interchange of highways in the San Francisco area, was painted over quickly several times during April and May, probably by our state agency, Caltrans. About a month ago, a new message appeared: "Fine, live in despair!'' This one has been left alone.
~ Leah Garchek quoted in her column in the San Francisco Chronicle

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
~ Carl Jung

"When they are alone they want to be with others, and when they are with others they want to be alone. After all, human beings are like that."
~ Gertrude Stein

“All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
~ Lily Tomlin

"One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passers by see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on the way."
~ Vincent van Gogh

“Walk with the light.”
~ Kare Anderson

"Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They hang upon the most slender twigs that are easily snapped off."
~ Carl Jung

“All sins are attempts to fill voids. “
~ Simone Weil

"We can never truly understand people when we hate them, and we can never truly hate people when we understand them."
~ Dr. Mardy Grothe

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer. “
~ Zora Neale Hurston

"Men resemble great deserted palaces: the owner occupies only a few rooms and has closed-off wings where he never ventures."
~ Francois Mauriac

"Considering how dangerous everything is, nothing is really very frightening."
~ Gertrude Stein

"Listening may be the most powerful statement a person can make.”
~ Dr. Mardy Grothe

"If you are too careful, you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something."
- Gertrude Stein

“The only thing you take with you when you are gone is what you left behind.”
~ John Allston

“How wonderful is it that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world? “
~ Anne Frank

"The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness."
~ Eric Hoffer

“One is happy as a result of one’s own efforts, once one knows of the necessary ingredients of happiness—simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self-denial to a point, love of work, and, above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain.”
~ George Sand

“Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
~ Lily Tomlin

"A shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases."
~ Carl Jung

"Some things emerge from so deep inside us they appear to come from an outside source.”
~ Dr. Marty Grothe

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances. If there is any reaction then both are changed.
~ Carl Jung

“Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.”
~ Lily Tomlin

“When you long for a life without difficulty, it helps to remember that oak trees grow strong in contrary winds and that diamonds are made under pressure.”
~ Peter Marshall

"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended."
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Growth in wisdom may be exactly measured by decrease in bitterness.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being -- hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
~ Erma Bombeck

“In a combat between wisdom and feeling wisdom never wins.”
~ Merlin - Mort d'Artur

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
~ Albert Einstein

“Old age ain't no place for sissies. ”
~ Bette Davis

"Women deprived of the company of men pine, men deprived of the company of women become stupid."
~ Anton Chekhov

“I've got to the age now where the only things I'm proud of are my mistakes.”
~ Robert Altman

“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.”
~ Jane Sellman

“Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
~ Jennifer Unlimited

“You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.”
~ Naguib Mahfouz

“I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.”
~ Jennifer Unlimited

"There ain't no answer. There ain't going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the answer."
~ Gertrude Stein

”If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.”
~ Catherine (scrawled on the wall in a women’s bathroom)

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”
~ Lily Tomlin

”If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. ”
~ Sue Grafton

"Sex is about appetite. Love is about endurance."
– Jack Valenti

”In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. ”
~ Margaret Thatcher

"The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated."
~ William James

”I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. ”
~ Gloria Steinem

“Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.”
~ Leonard Cohen

”Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. ”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
~ Carl Jung

“Look to someone’s positive intent, especially when he appears to have none.”
~ Kare Anderson

"Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and pure foolishness."
~ May Sarton

"For fast acting relief, try slowing down."
~ Lily Tomlin

“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.”
~ Albert Schweitzer

"To keep a lamp burning we have to keep putting oil in it."
~ Mother Teresa

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else."
~ Booker T. Washington

"You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame."
~ Erica Jong

"We can be absolutely certain only about things we do not understand."
~ Eric Hoffer

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us."
~ Virginia Satir

"We forfeit three-quarters of ourselves in order to be like other people."
~ Arthur Schopenhauer

“Edna Ferber was fond of wearing tailored suits before they became fashionable among professional women. One day she arrived at the Algonquin Hotel wearing a suit that was very similar to one that English actor Noel Coward was wearing. Coward looked Ferber up and down and said, "You look almost like a man." She replied simply: "So do you."
~ contributed by Dr. Mardy Grothe

"You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners."
~ Rita Mae Brown

“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
~ Lily Tomlin

“Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.”
~ Henry Mencken

“Only when the clamor of the outside world is silenced will you be able to hear the deeper vibration.”
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered—the trick is to discover them.”
~ Galileo

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
~ Anais Nin

"The first duty of love is to listen."
~ Dr. Mardy Grothe

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
~ Mark Twain

"Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way."
~ Booker T. Washington

“A true leader is not one you look up to because they are the best. A true leader is one that draws the best out in you. “
~ Anne Warfield

"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other."
~ Eric Hoffer

“The minute one utters a certainty, the opposite comes to mind. “
~ May Sarton

“I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
~ Kurt Vonnegut

“We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles."
~ Lily Tomlin

“Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. “
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

"After great pain a formal feeling comes. The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs."
Emily Dickinson

“Men kick friendship around like a football but it doesn’t seem to break. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.”
~ anonymous

"Loneliness is a word to express the pain of being alone ... solitude is a word to express the glory of being alone."
~ Paul Tillich

"A vision without the ability to execute is a hallucination."
- Steve Case, former AOL CEO

“We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own.”
~ Ben Sweetland

"To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others."
~ Francois Mauriac

The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness."
~ William Saroyan

"Failure is just another way to learn how to do something right."
~ Marian Wright Edelman

"To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind."
~ Theophile Gautier

"No leader sets out to be a leader per se, but rather to express him- or herself freely and fully. That is leaders have no interest in proving themselves, but an abiding interest in expressing themselves."
~ Warren Bennis

"At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time."
~ Lily Tomlin

"Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever."
~ Lance Armstrong

"In times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists."
~ Al Rogers

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I am constantly astonished by the people, otherwise intelligent, who think that anything so complex and delicate as a marriage can be left to take care of itself. One sees them fussing about all sorts of lesser concerns, apparently unaware that side by side with them--often in the same bed--a human creature is perishing from lack of affection, of emotional malnutrition."
~ Robertson Davies

"After great pain a formal feeling comes. The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs."
- Emily Dickinson

"Why can’t somebody give us a list of things that everybody thinks and nobody says, and another list of things that everybody says and nobody thinks?"
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Considering how dangerous everything is, nothing is really very frightening."
~ Gertrude Stein

"Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life."
~ Eric Hoffer

“A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song. “
~ Maya Angelou

“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.”
~ G. K. Chesterton

“If I just work when the spirit moves me, the spirit will ignore me.”
- Carolyn Forche

“Growth in wisdom may be exactly measured by decrease in bitterness.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

"A man bears the same relationship to a woman as a multiple-choice test does to an essay exam."
- Dr. Mardy Grothe

"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?"
~ Stephen Levine

"The instinct of a man is to pursue everything that flies from him,
and to fly from all that pursue him."
~

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
~ Margaret Thatcher

"Force may make hypocrites, but it can never make converts."
~ William Penn

"Living in the lap of luxury isn't bad, except that you never know when luxury is going to stand up."
~ Orson Welles

A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head, and the heating system of the heart.
- anonymous

When Groucho Marx was host of the 1950s TV game show "You Bet Your Life”, shot in front of a live audience, a contestant revealed that he was the father of ten children. Marx asked "Why so many children?" The man replied, "Well, Groucho, I love my wife." Marx paused for a moment, panned briefly to the audience, then responded, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."
~ Contributed by Dr. Mardy Grothe

"When all things are considered, happiness is a better indicator of success
than success has ever been of happiness."
~ Dr. Mardy Grothe

“The armor of irony is a little ugly, it’s difficult to lug around, and it makes it hard to hug one another. But maybe irony is, in the end, better than abs of steel.”
~ Veronica Rueckert, The Big Book of Irony

“I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package, I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it.”
~ Joan Didion, Commencement Address at U.C. Riverside

“Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”
~ Rita Rudner

“Sometimes we have to travel to the edge of ourselves to find our center.”
~ Buck Ghosthorse, Lakota Medicine Man

"The object of life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, 'Holy Shit, What a Ride!!!’
~ Mavis Leyrer

" If you asked me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud".
~ Emile Zola

"Political freedom cannot exist in any land where religion controls the state, and religious freedom cannot exist in any land where the state controls religion."
~ Sam Ervin

"Praise out of season, or tactlessly bestowed, can freeze the heart as much as blame."
~ Pearl S. Buck

"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults."
~ Peter De Vries

"In most marriages, it is likely that wives would be more respectful to husbands if they got more loving, and husbands more loving to wives if they got more respect."
~ Dr. Mardy Grothe

"I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself."
~ Rita Mae Brown

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
~ Elie Wiesel

"To have a good third act you need to understand what the first two have been about. I don't want to die without knowing who I am."
~ Jane Fonda

“Love is metaphysical gravity; it holds us and the universe together.”
~ Buckminster Fuller

“We're all in this alone.”
~ Lily Tomlin

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."
~ William James

“The same boiling water hardens the egg and softens to the carrot.”
~ anonymous

"Sex is about appetite. Love is about endurance."
~ Jack Valenti

"It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
~ Woody Allen

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.”
~ Colette

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”
~ Pericles

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."
~ Will Rogers

"Action is the antidote to despair."
~ Joan Baez

" Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash."
~ Rita Mae Brown

"When you live with another person for 50 years, all of your memories are invested in that person, like a bank account of shared memories ...the past is part of the present as long as the other person lives. It is better than any scrapbook, because you are both living scrapbooks.”
~ Federico Fellini

"When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Steve Jobs: poster child for the idea that even …

… assholes can be successful.

I wince at such language, intentionally used as it is by brilliant Bob Sutton who adds however, "Even if you are a successful asshole, you are still an asshole and I don't want to be around you."

Sutton is the author of The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. No lightweight to publically comment on this long avoided view on Jobs, Sutton is author of Weird Ideas That Work: Practices for Promoting, Managing, and Sustaining Innovation (Free Press, 2002) and co-author (with Jeffrey Pfeffer) of both The Knowing-Doing Gap: How Smart Firms Turn Knowledge Into Action (Harvard Business School Press, 2000 and of Hard Facts, Dangerous Half-Truths, and Total Nonsense: Profiting from Evidence-Based Management (Harvard Business School Press, 2006).

Ben Casnocha ruminates, “Why do assholes succeed? Does their brilliance make up for it? Do they just get lucky? Do people not care about likability as much as we think?"

Yet, assholes can unite the people around them. Perhaps we grow closer in reaction to a common enemy. “Having somebody who is really difficult can actually be good for the workplace,” said Jo-Ellen Pozner, a researcher in the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern in the New York Times. “If everyone really hates this one person, it becomes the basis of social bonding for the rest of the group.”

See Sutton's video.

Go into harm's way

Whoever most vividly characterizes a situation
usually determines how others see it,
feel about it, discuss it and
act on it.

How do you set the context for people to hear your view, especially if it may be controversial?

My new friend, Wendy (Lestina) Reid Crisp, author of When I Grow Up I Want to be 60, describes one way, At the center of the story is a man in the news this month, a hero to us both, Jim Webb.

Wendy wrote, “Here’s an excerpt from Jim Webb’s speech.

Webb on supporting our troops: my father gladly served our country. I was proud to follow in his footsteps, serving as a Marine in Vietnam. My brother did as well, serving as a Marine helicopter pilot. My son has joined the tradition, now serving as an infantry Marine in Iraq.

Like so many other Americans, today and throughout our history, we serve and have served, not for political reasons, but because we love our country. On the political issues - those matters of war and peace, and in some cases of life and death - we trusted the judgment of our national leaders. We hoped that they would be right, that they would measure with accuracy the value of our lives against the enormity of the national interest that might call upon us to go into harm's way.

We owed them our loyalty, as Americans, and we gave it. But they owed us - sound judgment, clear thinking, concern for our welfare, a guarantee that the threat to our country was equal to the price we might be called upon to pay in defending it.

The President took us into this war recklessly. He disregarded warnings from the national security adviser during the first Gulf War, the chief of staff of the army, two former commanding generals of the Central Command, whose jurisdiction includes Iraq, the director of operations on the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and many, many others with great integrity and long experience in national security affairs. We are now, as a nation, held hostage to the predictable - and predicted - disarray that has followed.

In his concluding remarks (full text here), Webb, a former Republican and Secretary of the Navy in the Reagan Administration, quoted (Republican) Theodore Roosevelt on the necessity of a democracy to maintain economic equity, and (Republican) Dwight Eisenhower on the need to end a bloody and stalemated war (Korea).

Webb's speech was delivered without guile, pomp, attitude, or the awkward results of last-minute "tips from handlers." It was well written, thoughtful, and reasonable -- and delivered by -- and I believe Webb stands alone in this distinction -- someone from whom you'd like to be sitting across the dinner table

Improve Your Relationship Without Talking

“The key to a happy union is to go make yourself miserable, then come home,” advises Garrison Keillor. Yet if you want more insights on marital bliss, read on.

When a new study showed that women talk three times as much as men, NBC’s Today Show host Matt Lauer talks with Dr. Robi Ludwig, a psychotherapist, about how women can get their men to talk more, on December 29, 2006 See the video.

Yet, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together. In fact, it will eventually drive you apart, according to Patricia Love and Steve Stosny, co-authors of an already controversial new book, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.

They advise, “You'll never get a closer relationship with your man by talking to him like you talk to one of your girlfriends.

There are four ways to connect with a man: touch, activity, sex, routines.

Men want closer marriages just as much as women, but not if they have to act like a woman. Talking makes women move closer; it makes men move away.

Underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response.

This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.

The secret of the silent male is this: his wife supplies the meaning in his life. The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn’t help.
Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?”

Bet you’ll read this excerpt because it is titled, Hyperarousal and Shame. It begins, “Although boy babies feel less fear and pain than girls, they have a heightened sensitivity to any type of abrupt stimulation, which gives them a propensity for hyperarousal, that is, hair-trigger reactions. Male infants startle five times more often than female infants and are provoked by ….”

How do you make people feel?

After President Roosevelt died there was a formal funeral procession through Washington D.C. A flag-draped coffin being carried and escorted into the White House by an honor guard, as the horse-drawn funeral carriage draws away.

A reporter turned and sought out a bystander wearing overalls.

He asked, “Did you know President Roosevelt?”

The man responded, “No sir, but President Roosevelt knew me.”

Davos & King’s Dream

Martin Luther King might have been smiling from the heavens at the flood of people in Davos for the World Economic Forum, eagerly talking about Web. 2.0,online social networks – and all the money to be made when you enable diverse people to create community and, yes, opportunity (aka millions in profits).

King’s dream and the so-called “power of us” enjoyed by us today share at least one trait: support a diverse group in working well together and you can create something bigger and better.

Yes, diversity pays. King’s dream is also good for business, as an intriguing piece on NPR reported last week.

Cedric Herring, Professor of Sociology at the University of Illinois at Chicago, looked at data from about 250 large and small companies. He discovered that there was a linear correlation between the diversity of the workplace and critical markers of business success, such as market share and profitability.

Shankar Vedantam covered the results of this Herring Study in the January 15th issue of Washington Post, "Those companies that have very low levels of racial and ethnic minorities have the lowest profits and the lowest market share and the lowest number of customers," he said. "Those that have medium levels do better, and those that have the highest levels do the best."

As my ex-husband says, “Diversity in close proximity with opportunity usually builds bonds.” And a cohesive team that brings greater variety to the table can see a bigger picture faster. That maybe the next benefit, following Martin Luther King's dream (speech that sticks in our minds and hearts today) for a world living and working peacably together.

Here's some excerpts from that speech:

"And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”

Please note, Davos, the power of social media that facilitates deeper, more diverse connections, can mean more profits. Yes, “diversity is a beautiful thing.”

January 15, 2007

Oh! Tagged “it” by the Brand Dame

Yes, bookish tomboy that I was, I did play tag during my grade school years, both in our front yards in Portland and Whittier, and running around Tuolome Meadows in Yosemite during the Summer, yet not quite like this.

But this is different. Grown-ups playing tag the new, new media way. Memes. Tag. You’re it – all five of you. Tagging other bloggers seems like sort of a backward compliment because you pick people you admire, yet you stick them with answering the same questions that the person who tagged you has answered.

It is an addictive sort of online chain letter. It take a mite more thought yet yields deeper rewards as one can follow the chain back in a richer way than was possible in those mailed missives of the pre-digital past. For a nosy former journalist, this part is especially intriguing.

You see "Entrepreneurial blogger extraordinaire", Kirsten Osolind at re:invention tagged or memed Diane Danielson at The WomensDISH, the offical blog of the Downtown Women’s Club, “where women, just like you, dish up the professional dirt, career advice and irreverent humor we all need to succeed in the workplace.”

Then Diane tagged the brand dame at SkyBlog, Lyn Chamberlin, an Emmy-award winning television producer who’s also worked in brainy places from MIT to Harvard.

Lyn boldly answered the five questions and passed the meme along to Robert Rosenthal and his Freaking Marketing blog; Nick Rice and his Strategic Design blog; Michelle Miller and her WonderBranding blog; and, well, me.

Breathtaking company, but enough stalling. Here's the Q & A.

1. WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED SO FAR FROM VISITORS TO YOUR BLOG?"

Like participating in several games of three-dimensional tic tac toe, I’ve experienced, not “just” unexpectedly rich one-to-one “conversations” and connections but multi-layered threads and multi-level patterns of thoughts. Yet, a majority of people send me an email rather than responding publically by posting – part of the unfolding into this new, community discourse, perchance. Then there’s the generosity of so many strangers, who become friends such as “Make It Great! “with Phil Gerbyshak who helped me start my blog (of course he’s been tagged four times).

2. IF SOMEONE OFFERED TO PAY FOR A COURSE (OR MORE) FOR YOU, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

A cross-disciplinary team of experts (from neuro scientists to architects) teaching “Coming Back to Our Senses: How our gut instincts affect how we reach to each other and to physical spaces.” Yes, I know that was a bit wordy and it seems a bit amorphous even the second time you read it. But I’m a bit weasly here as there’s no ruls about how many people would teach it or how long the course could be. I’m thinking twice-monthly for two years.

3. ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH WHAT YOU HAVE ACHIEVED IN 2006?

No, I’m not that zen. Each year makes me more wistful and overly optimistic about how many new adventures one can have. Yet, as my business partner, Jean Schore and patient Web. 2.0 guru Bart Barton acknowledge we have bit off an awfully big chunk, starting SavvyHer. Yet I can live with
“Happiness is a minimum of regret” and Opportunity is often inconvenient.”

4. HAS BLOGGING CHANGED YOUR LIFE IN ANY WAY?

Yes, I feel oh so guilty when I have let it lapse, especially when I see people who live such full lives like Brad Feld and Ben Casnocha who are thoughtful, wide-ranging and prolific bloggers.

5.IF YOU COULD MEET THE ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT YOU TRULY ADMIRE, WHO WOULD THAT BE?

You may remember her as the national security advisor in West Wing, but that’s nothing to watching Anna in her riveting one-person performance where she literally becomes the voices of over 50 people who got caught in the L.A. riots of 1992.

Anna Deavere Smith.

I thought of her when I saw Sarah Jones transport a disparate New York audience in Bridge & Tunnel.

The capacity to change how one sees the world by showing them, seemingly first-hand, the universality, the extremes of humanity in a wrenching an experience they can’t forget. What a gift she has.

Done!

Now I get to tap I Want to be 60 Wendy Lestina for her incisive, passionate commentary; The Boomer Blog’s awesome Carol Orsborn; mind-enlarging Babel’s Dawn’s Edmund Blair Bolle; wise and sometimes droll Ageless Marketing’s David Wolfe and Smart at Love's Annie Dennison.

Last year I had the pleasure of sitting next ..

... to a gracious and visionary woman at a lively luncheon of business, government and civic leaders in Edmonton, Canada. I was there to speak on place branding. The power of place to fracture a community or bring it together was clearly something she has thought about.

Linda Cook has a vision of how librarians in communities, schools and businesses can be the glue that brings diverse people together. As a shy child my mother's weekly jaunts to the library with me were the highlight of my week - and where I first started talking to people - about books. Linda’s not only Edmonton’s head librarian, she’s this year’s president of the Canadian Library Association – a lively, passionate group.

One thing led to another.

Now, I am so excited to be giving the closing keynote at the Canadian Library Association this May in a town I’ve always wanted to visit. St. John’s in Newfoundland and Labrador – the oldest city in Canada. Like Sausalito where I live, St. John’s has kept its historic buildings and is on a bay. St. John’s harbor is made of granite. Ever since we made relief maps in grade school of the Canadian Provinces I’ve wanted to see it. As in Sausalito, even one of the homeless people is well-remembered, notes columnist Pam Frampton.

Opening the conference is the prominent work/life balance expert, Dr. Linda Duxbury. She’s researched, “everything from the reasons each demographic group is the way it is, from those born during WWII to those who grew up during the freedom of the '60's and even the affects of growing up in the shadow of recession, downsizing and the threat of terrorism and violence.”

This topic is especially interesting to me as the co-founder of SavvyHer a brand new online network for boomer women. Each month people can win over $1,000 in gifts when one of their tips is voted among the ten most popular by SavvyHer members.

You may want to offer your tip.

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