How Humorless People Affect Us
Like scent, humor has extremely offensive or captivating effects on us, depending on the kind. In the past two posts I described two kinds, unifying and divisive. The third kind is those who seem to have no sense of humor whatsoever. In this post I’ll compare the effects on us of all three.
Apparently humorless people often prefer to focus on doing the task, being good and - or other “productive behavior.”
How does that behavior compare to the other two? Well, divisive humor is often the funniest, at least at first. In making fun of someone else, we can feel superior. Plus some of the funniest lines are insulting. Like scalpels, they cut fast and deep into even the thickest skin.
An understated way to respond to someone who is shooting divisive humor “bullets” at others is to suggest, "Never draw fire; it irritates the people around you." Or, when you feel you must escalate, paraphrase Adlai Stevens, “Those who throw mud often get dirty.”
Unifying humor was the most surefire way to break tension or conflict.
Those who use divisive humor are more likely to not keep agreements than those who exhibit no humor or use unifying humor.
People who seem to have no vein of humor are more likely than people in the other two categories to be most harsh and unforgiving in their judgments of others and more likely to see the world in “right/wrong” categories. They are least able to be accepted as team players.
Most of us rationalize our use of cutting humor as harmless fun. After all, it is usually a matter of perspective, that is who is getting skewered. As Mel Brooks once wrote, "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die."
Unifying humor is healing and enables us to see the larger picture where hope is possible.
Charlie Chaplin once said, "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up but a comedy in long shot."
How Do You Use Humor?
Humorist, Allen Klein began writing about humor as healing when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. He offers this story: “When the naturalist William Beebe used to visit President Theodore Roosevelt at Sagamore Hill, both would take an evening stroll after dinner. Then one or the other would go through a customary ritual. He would look up at the stars saying, ‘That is the Spiral Galaxy of Andromeda. It is as large as our Milky Way. It is one of a hundred million galaxies. It is 750,000 light-years away. It consists of one hundred billion suns, each larger than our sun.’
Then silence followed. Finally, one of them would say, "Now I think we are small enough. Let's go to bed.’ A little perspective, like a little humor, goes a long way.”
Consider the times when you’ve simply goofed, made a “silly mistake” or otherwise didn’t do the smartest thing in the situation. Like me, you have a rich reservoir of such stories from which you can draw. Have them ready in your mind to tell when you want to lighten someone else’s load and bring them closer. Those are the situations you want to share with someone when they are in an unfamiliar situation, feeling insecure, just made a mistake or feeling uncomfortable for some other reason.
Sometimes light, dry humor can brighten a dark situation. My friend Stevie Weir walked through the rain to open the door of his eagerly awaited new home to find water dripping from the entryway ceiling and said, "Every silver lining has a cloud."
If several of you have made mistakes in a situation, you might offer this facetious advice to poke fun at yourself and your teammates, “Fool-proof implies a finite number of fools."
“In life, as in art, it is often a matter of knowing where to draw the line.” If you overuse self-deprecating humor be mindful that you may wind up looking victim-like.
Every humorist needs an audience, and I, who can’t remember punch lines, can often play that role. My father is a natural storyteller and punster who often makes me laugh when I get too serious. As my friend Adama says, "The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line" and I’m often that line.
Unexpected Humor Can Crack a Mood
Some of my favorite kinds of humor are when people can juxtapose two apparently unlikely images to make a point. In a tense meeting where I was attempting to coach the engineers in a company startup on how to describe their complex wireless portal product to potential investors in a way that was understandable, their usually patient lawyer finally broke the tension by saying, "I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar."
Some people may never offer a direct apology for past behavior but will sidle into atonement by using wry humor, such as, "Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry."
Inject Laughter Into Your Daily Life
Move to a new chapter that is the advenute story you want for your life. Here’s one way. What role do you want to play today? Try on the underdeveloped, perhaps unexpected facet to your “character”? Alan Funt’s classic program, “Candid Camera” and subsequent knock-offs of that show can give you ideas. As poor students in a fellowship program, eight of us used to form a spontaneous “live theatre” group on Friday nights for free entertainment and wound up learning a lot more about ourselves and each other. We assigned “roles” to each other and then walking separately into a busy bar in San Francisco to act them out with each other.
The rules? Each person could give three attributes to another person in the group. For example, one time I was to be a very shy, kindergarten teacher who was raised in a small North Dakota town the same night another person was designated as a rich, playboy law student from a rich, old line Philadelphia family. You can imagine the scenes that unfolded.
These days you can still watch Drew Carey’s hilarious improv show, “What’s My Line Anyway” and learn some new rules to create your own spontaneous “live theatre.” I’ve found those evenings offered unforgettably fun ways to let stress roll away and see new sides of friends I thought I knew well.
Alan Meiss has a funny list of suggestions for creating live theatre in an elevator ride. One suggestion: “Have a friend with you, but act like your friend is a complete stranger. After a while, turn to your friend and say, "Wanna trade?" and switch wallets or purses.
As Norman Cousins said often, “He who laughs lasts.” What are some of ways you or someone you know has used unifying humor?
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